He Doesn’t Even See Me!



Had to create this post JUST SO I COULD RANT A BIT!

  Today was my usual appointment at the beauty salon except when I returned home, I decided to do something different.  I put on makeup flawlessly and if I say so myself, looked pretty damn good.  I had the smoky eyes thing working (as much as I could for an African-American without looking Gothic) and even impressed myself.  So I went a step farther and dressed up as if I were going out .  When Hubby came home, he walked in, looked me straight in the eyes and asked how my day went. That’s it.  No “Wow” or anything.   Because he enjoys watching The Young and The Restless, and we usually watch a recording together at night, he asked if it was worth watching today.  Since it has  been somewhat slow lately, I said no and he proceeded to sit down in his recliner,  eat dinner, and  tune in to the NFL channel.  Next thing I noticed after he finished eating is that  he was nodding off in the chair.  Really?    

He doesn’t even see me anymore.  

Anyone else with this experience? 



Hello everyone!

Sorry I’ve been MIA for so long but I guess I’m having such a pity party, that I hate to even bring it to this site. 

Things in my household have not changed at all, I’m sad to say.  Just a whole lot more of the same old promises.  I swear that if I hear another lie with the words “I will” in it, I’m going to scream loud enough for some of you to hear me over there in Australia.  Hubby is about as sweet as he can be, doing everything he can to compensate, and calling me all the time like we’re a new couple.  Not what I need at all.

A couple of months ago, he was told that his glucose levels were high enough that he should start medication for it.  He is now taking metformin twice a day.  This is something he was trying to control by diet and exercise.  So now in addition to taking three medications for his blood pressure, and two different eye drops for his glaucoma, we have to add medication for diabetes.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and want him to do whatever he has to do to be alright.  He is my best friend and a great provider, but damn!  What next?  I throw my hands up in defeat.

Previously, you may remember that I had a bitchy little fit and moved completely out of our bedroom and into another room.  I had that room completely redone to suit only my taste.  I have even lost weight due to some recent flares with my RA.  Let me tell you, he could care less that I’m in the other room and never makes any attempts to come visit me.  He hasn’t noticed the weight loss because he doesn’t even look at me anymore.  At least, not like that.


It’s a lot quieter at my house now.  No more ranting and screaming about what have you done for me lately.  I have become this depressed and bitter old woman.  I say old because that’s how this whole damn situation makes me feel.  When you don’t feel good about yourself, you don’t look good to anyone else either.  As if in sync with my disappointing sex life, it seems that I don’t get the attention from other men that I use to get.  Can’t tell if it’s in my mind or the way I’m carrying myself.  But whatever.  I’ve let it go.  I don’t bring up the subject at all anymore and I don’t make any attempts to be affectionate.  I’ve lost interest in going out and doing things together because it stirs up those old feelings and then we go back home with each one going to their own space.   I give up.  I don’t think he’s noticed that I quit trying.  Then again, maybe he’s just so happy he wants to be quiet and hopes things will stay this way. 

Enough of me.  How are you ladies doing?  Anyone with some good news or progress?

When A Man Gives Up – (A Guest Post)

I’m not an expert, but I think of men as being “Hunters” and women as being “Gatherers” – as in a “Hunter / Gatherer Society”. Think of the cave-man times! Men went out to kill animals, to provide the meat for the clan. This was seen as a status symbol to the men – they had to be strong, agile, and smart to get the job done. The clan moved with the animal herds, because the meat was the most important part of the clan’s sustenance. The animal skins also provided crucial clothing, and often the housing as well (Tents, yurts, etc.) Women, on the other hand, foraged for whatever fruits, nuts, and vegetation happened to be available at the time of year and location, to supplement the meat supply. Women were dependent upon the decisions of the men, and adjusted accordingly. Of course, the women also cared for the children, and any medical needs that arose. A woman had to be creative and resourceful, in order to survive. Using the resources at hand, women crafted clothing, preserved food, tended the home fires. Yet the status always belonged to the GREAT HUNTER, and the greatest status was award to a man who produced SONS, because they would grow to be great hunters one day. If a man did not have sons, or only had daughters, then the “fault” must have laid with the woman!

So here we are, in the 21st century, and our technology has evolved faster than our psyche. Men still have this vision of being the provider, the maker of sons, the hunter. Of course, we can rationalize that women are EQUAL to men, but deep down, I don’t think men can wrap their heads around that. A man who cannot do what a man is expected to do, does not see himself as worthy. He sees himself as a failure. He may try, he may fight. But eventually, he gives up.

As a woman, I understand this. I adjust. I tell my husband I love him, and I mean it. I think my love will be enough. I do NOT let it affect my esteem – because SELF esteem comes from the self. I am nice. I am kind and understanding. I am beautiful. I am talented, funny, and intelligent. I am sexy, I smell nice, I have soft skin. Any man should want me, yet my man does not. So I adjust.

Because he has given up.

-Mommer, Author

Peace of mind vs. Frustration


It dawned on me today that I don’t nearly exhibit the jealousy that I use to with my husband.  I think that I feel so secure with him because of his lack of ability to maintain an erection.  I remember when I worried about all the what if’s.  What if he met someone new.  What if he has an affair. What if he falls in love with someone else.  What if he ever wants to leave me.  Now it’s like those worries don’t exist anymore.  I know that he could still want to leave home, but for me, I feel more secure as if these are the last things I have to worry about.  He is so down on himself when he’s with me that I can’t see him with some other woman and especially not with a young woman at this point. Of course I could be wrong.

On the other hand, I’m not sure all that security is worth this pent-up frustration.  I’m starting to feel like he’s a brother or something.  I’ve started noticing this nervous vibe between us when things start to get too close.  It’s really sad where we are now.  He  is bending over backwards to make me happy.  I feel bad about my feelings sometimes because he’s being so kind.  The thing I need most right now, he can’t give to me.  Ugh……….

Anyone else feel secure and start to wonder if you should just settle for that? 

Thanks a lot Doc


My hubby finally got down to business and went to a doctor to have his testosterone checked etc.  Because he was new to this clinic,  he was given a physician that had more openings in her schedule.  He said she appeared to be in her late fifties and seemed like she was annoyed because of his effort to try and improve his situation.   She repeatedly warned him of the danger associated with hypertension and taking Viagra.  It didn’t matter to her at all that he told her the Viagra was cleared  by his cardiologist and that he hardly ever takes it.   She even insisted that he call his cardiologist and make sure that he understood.  Instead, she made him feel like at his age (54), he should just go somewhere where he can enjoy life and relax.  If and when he has good days sexually, enjoy them but otherwise he should just chill out and let it go.


Well Dr. Thanks for nothing, did you ever think that his problem may be causing problems in his marriage?  

Did you even consider there is another person in his life who this affects?

Do you not enjoy sex anymore & think you’re doing the little ladies a favor?

Did you even consider that all men are not like dogs running around in heat and this may be about love?

Have you heard of alternative therapies?

Doctor, maybe you should just go somewhere and relax other than in the exam room!


You have a high sex drive!!!

That’s what my husband told me last week.  I have a high sex drive.  

Never mind that it has been almost a year since we had any kind of meaningful sex (and it’s sad when you can remember the date).  He said, “My drive is low and yours is high cause that’s all you talk about.”  That is not all I talk about because that would mean we wouldn’t talk at all.  I told him that a high sex drive would better describe someone who just had sex yesterday or the day before and ready to go again.  But since April last year?  That’s high need!!!  It’s sickening how men can make you feel like it’s your fault that nothing is happening.

So, I made up my mind never to discuss it again.  I haven’t mentioned that dirty word, and have started treating him like my friend and roommate.  I’ve been laughing and talking as if everything is fine and moved into another bedroom that I now refer to as “my room.”  This must be bothering him because I can see a change in him.  He’s actually being more attentive with occasional touches here and there; which I try to ignore, of course.  Gotta make a point but I might stay in my new room from now on.

Can anyone relate to this?