When A Man Gives Up – (A Guest Post)

I’m not an expert, but I think of men as being “Hunters” and women as being “Gatherers” – as in a “Hunter / Gatherer Society”. Think of the cave-man times! Men went out to kill animals, to provide the meat for the clan. This was seen as a status symbol to the men – they had to be strong, agile, and smart to get the job done. The clan moved with the animal herds, because the meat was the most important part of the clan’s sustenance. The animal skins also provided crucial clothing, and often the housing as well (Tents, yurts, etc.) Women, on the other hand, foraged for whatever fruits, nuts, and vegetation happened to be available at the time of year and location, to supplement the meat supply. Women were dependent upon the decisions of the men, and adjusted accordingly. Of course, the women also cared for the children, and any medical needs that arose. A woman had to be creative and resourceful, in order to survive. Using the resources at hand, women crafted clothing, preserved food, tended the home fires. Yet the status always belonged to the GREAT HUNTER, and the greatest status was award to a man who produced SONS, because they would grow to be great hunters one day. If a man did not have sons, or only had daughters, then the “fault” must have laid with the woman!

So here we are, in the 21st century, and our technology has evolved faster than our psyche. Men still have this vision of being the provider, the maker of sons, the hunter. Of course, we can rationalize that women are EQUAL to men, but deep down, I don’t think men can wrap their heads around that. A man who cannot do what a man is expected to do, does not see himself as worthy. He sees himself as a failure. He may try, he may fight. But eventually, he gives up.

As a woman, I understand this. I adjust. I tell my husband I love him, and I mean it. I think my love will be enough. I do NOT let it affect my esteem – because SELF esteem comes from the self. I am nice. I am kind and understanding. I am beautiful. I am talented, funny, and intelligent. I am sexy, I smell nice, I have soft skin. Any man should want me, yet my man does not. So I adjust.

Because he has given up.

-Mommer, Author

Peace of mind vs. Frustration

Sexless-Marriage

It dawned on me today that I don’t nearly exhibit the jealousy that I use to with my husband.  I think that I feel so secure with him because of his lack of ability to maintain an erection.  I remember when I worried about all the what if’s.  What if he met someone new.  What if he has an affair. What if he falls in love with someone else.  What if he ever wants to leave me.  Now it’s like those worries don’t exist anymore.  I know that he could still want to leave home, but for me, I feel more secure as if these are the last things I have to worry about.  He is so down on himself when he’s with me that I can’t see him with some other woman and especially not with a young woman at this point. Of course I could be wrong.

On the other hand, I’m not sure all that security is worth this pent-up frustration.  I’m starting to feel like he’s a brother or something.  I’ve started noticing this nervous vibe between us when things start to get too close.  It’s really sad where we are now.  He  is bending over backwards to make me happy.  I feel bad about my feelings sometimes because he’s being so kind.  The thing I need most right now, he can’t give to me.  Ugh……….

Anyone else feel secure and start to wonder if you should just settle for that? 

Thanks a lot Doc

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My hubby finally got down to business and went to a doctor to have his testosterone checked etc.  Because he was new to this clinic,  he was given a physician that had more openings in her schedule.  He said she appeared to be in her late fifties and seemed like she was annoyed because of his effort to try and improve his situation.   She repeatedly warned him of the danger associated with hypertension and taking Viagra.  It didn’t matter to her at all that he told her the Viagra was cleared  by his cardiologist and that he hardly ever takes it.   She even insisted that he call his cardiologist and make sure that he understood.  Instead, she made him feel like at his age (54), he should just go somewhere where he can enjoy life and relax.  If and when he has good days sexually, enjoy them but otherwise he should just chill out and let it go.

(Screaming!!!!)

Well Dr. Thanks for nothing, did you ever think that his problem may be causing problems in his marriage?  

Did you even consider there is another person in his life who this affects?

Do you not enjoy sex anymore & think you’re doing the little ladies a favor?

Did you even consider that all men are not like dogs running around in heat and this may be about love?

Have you heard of alternative therapies?

Doctor, maybe you should just go somewhere and relax other than in the exam room!

Ugh!

You have a high sex drive!!!

That’s what my husband told me last week.  I have a high sex drive.  

Never mind that it has been almost a year since we had any kind of meaningful sex (and it’s sad when you can remember the date).  He said, “My drive is low and yours is high cause that’s all you talk about.”  That is not all I talk about because that would mean we wouldn’t talk at all.  I told him that a high sex drive would better describe someone who just had sex yesterday or the day before and ready to go again.  But since April last year?  That’s high need!!!  It’s sickening how men can make you feel like it’s your fault that nothing is happening.

So, I made up my mind never to discuss it again.  I haven’t mentioned that dirty word, and have started treating him like my friend and roommate.  I’ve been laughing and talking as if everything is fine and moved into another bedroom that I now refer to as “my room.”  This must be bothering him because I can see a change in him.  He’s actually being more attentive with occasional touches here and there; which I try to ignore, of course.  Gotta make a point but I might stay in my new room from now on.

Can anyone relate to this?

Look Where We Live

I just thought you would like to see where our visitors live.

This pic comes from the stats page and  shows hits this year from these highlighted countries . Click it to enlarge.

This is indeed a problem women share worldwide.

WHAT SHE REALLY THINKS OF YOUR PENIS

That’s the title of an article I just read  in Men’s Health magazine, dated May 2012.  Unfortunately, some of  our partners or spouses fall short in this area.

Click here to read it for yourself

Are you sick of those commercials ?

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I keep watching the commercials on television about Cialis, Viagra etc. Ladies, you know the ones with the catchy music, where the man walks in and sees his wife dancing and singing with her headphones on while he lovingly looks on and smiles. Then he walks over and embraces her.

I don’t know about you ladies but I’m not happily dancing and my hubby isn’t being affectionate, even with Viagra. They are selling hope.  What many don’t understand is that your man has to first take that pill. Mine went to the doctor only after a lot of threats to find someone to take care of my needs.  I really wasn’t but the thought does enter my mind sometimes. Anyway, he tried the medication with still a limited amount of success. Truthfully, I think it was nerves or he needs a stronger dose.  So instead of getting an answer from his doc, we’re right back where we started which is doing nothing.

So maybe its just me and my frustration venting at 5 in the morning, but I’m tired of those happy commercials with a cure in a bottle.

He still has to take the damn pill and that’s a chore in itself!

Is it just me? Weigh in.

Anyone Else Feeling This?

frustration

I have to admit that I run the whole gamut of emotions with this ED problem.  Some days I feel understanding, and the other days I feel pretty damn insulted.  I get really tired of the statement, “I’m going to get help,” and then never really make a step in that direction.  WTF am I suppose to do in the meantime?  Don’t my feelings account for anything at all?  I don’t like sitting and waiting until he feels like trying again, only to be left frustrated again.

And then there are those times that I feel like running out and having an affair with someone just to hurt him back, but I am about 99.5% sure that my husband is not fooling around.  Notice I left that half percent for common sense.  But if he’s getting it, it’s at work because otherwise this man is at home on time, all the time, and available whenever I call his job.  We spend all of our off time together.  Cheating would make me feel like a slut.

What’s a girl to do?